You Think Your Turning Japanese, You Want To Turn So Japanese

You know the stigmas, or at least, you might, if you’ve ever prepared to do “Business?” with “The Japanese!” peoples. Honestly, it turned out to be just like everyone described and completely opposite, simultaneously. I’ll share the funniest part of one story first:

“Whiskey Soda No Mama’ No Papa’ You Come Now”

I had no idea how to go about obtaining a certain License for an Intellectual Property I desired. It was older and a ton of the companies once involved either were defunct or acquired. I wanted to begin with Japanese companies who had inland offices in the U.S.A. but knew I would have to aim straight for the heart of Tokyo, so I learned enough Japanese over the next eight hours to get through phone representatives (in Japan, phones are answered, “Hello” and only very large firms have automated phone-trees). It was the right tyme to call Tokyo from my zone so I figured, “Fuck it, the worst that can happen is they don’t understand me or what I want.”

As I picked up the phone, you could hear the white-noise, and the light Japanese pan-flute’s hum; I double checked the dialing codes, “Okee,” — I placed my fingers to the number pads and with each press, you could clearly hear its thud, as if underwater; you could see me moving in slow motion.

The phone began to ring…
“Dō saremashita ka?”

I responded.

There was a pause…

“Moshi?” I said.

Hold a’ please…

A thundering voice that could only be described as the Emperor himself came on the line. I proceeded with my next Japanese phrase to which this person immediately detected I was not a native speaker. Leaving his Emperor form, his tone quickly shifted to one that was similar to (but somehow, more powerful than) George Takei; he said, “Speaking.”

One word: Phone-Ninjas!!

From there, I just went for it, and he informed me of everything I wanted to know.

On another day, I’ll be a tad more specific about the finer details concerning this interchange but, the general ideas are as follows:

• The Japanese don’t force their ways upon you

• The Japanese actually talk with you and ask questions about who you are, not just business stuff

• The Japanese actually use the word “Jap” or “Japo” when referring to their goods/services (I don’t know if this is to prompt a reaction or gauge a person somehow but, I tested using the word “Jap” once and the discussion carried on normally)

• The Japanese ask for updates even if they’re not directly involved or required to be involved

• The Japanese openly admit to attempting to copy western business culture

• The Japanese are openly accepting of obscure business models

There is more I could say but, there is one thing that I noticed which I think is worth noting:

It seemed like everyone I spoke with prior to just going for what I wanted had wrapped and romanced Japanese culture into a high amount of mysticism and other-worldly expectation. To me, they are just people (who are probably still pissed about the A-Bomb).

This saving face stuff is a crock of shit:

• The Japanese will confront concerns and THEY WILL tell you to fuck off, kindly


Anyhow, on a related note; here is a copy of another J-Rock song I recorded titled, “Burning Hearts” — And YES, it likely always sounds funny when non-Japanese try to sing Japanese but, all that aside; if you’re Japanese or know the Japanese language, why not tell me how bad I’ve butchered it?

I can take it!

NOTICE: I know some of you have said that you can’t view videos from YouTube; THE COMPANY is working on it — Please see the links below the video to listen to the song elsewhere, in case YouTube blocks your access.

Other popular locations where you can stream “Burning Hearts” include:






Scroll down below and tell me all your burning-heart’s desires…..

Please visit my friends:




And the NSA (just because I THINK they’re watching!)

Not to be confused with NASA!!




Tell the Planet! Now!!

21 thoughts on “You Think Your Turning Japanese, You Want To Turn So Japanese”

  1. “The Japanese openly admit to attempting to copy western business culture” What I think that, when you work with international business, you might need to understand others’ culture. Then it might get their business.

  2. When a song is translated from one language to another, it usually sounds butchered. I don’t think that matters though. It is an interpretation of the music. It may not sound as natural as the original language it is in, but the attempt itself to interpret is commendable enough.

  3. ” The Japanese openly admit to attempting to copy western business culture.” – Well, not entirely. The other way around is true too. Also, if they do copy something, they always aim to make it better.

  4. Haha this just goes to show you that we all need to crush the stereotypes about different races. Truth is, is that we’re all more alike that we are different. We’re all just people living and trying to make it in the same big ole world.

  5. I used to work in a Japanese company. Japanese are very professionals. I like the way they treat us as their employees.

  6. Just came back from a short vacation in Japan, and everything you said about them is true. They’re such great people, with a calm and refreshing energy. Tried playing the video but it didn’t work. Listened on Spotify and I enjoyed it! Thumbs up!

  7. The Japanese are amazing people. They’re calm, organized, well-disciplined, and cool af. We should learn a thing or two from them not just when it comes to handling business, but in handling life in general as well!

  8. Each country has a different culture and lifestyle .. Unique.
    Mostly Japanese known as a polite people and smart / hard worker.
    I wish to visit Japan soon.

  9. For such a small country, I cannot believe how many ideas the Japanese churns out. It does not matter if something comes out funny or crazy because they usually serve their purposes. I can’t wait to visit their country again.

  10. The Japanese are probably the most creative people I have ever encountered. Maybe I have developed this generalization due to the many innovative, funny, and/or just plain amazing things I have read about, seen, or have viewed online. They also don’t do things half-assed. At least, those that I have had the pleasure of working with.

  11. Japan, I believe, is the most Westernized country in Asia. So it is no surprise if they are familiar with the ways of the West, even in business dealings! But they still remain one of the nicest people to deal with.

  12. Interesting that the ‘face saving’ that we’ve all heard about is not the way I always assumed it would be. Must be the effects of modern business practices, that they’ve learned to be rude, albeit politely! Sounds like they do things thoroughly, though.

  13. Hah, I’m sure you got on better by at least attempting Japanese at the outset. Smart move there, and it seems to have paid dividends.

  14. In order to be effective in whatever it is you are attempting, I believe it is important to address the situation in the context of the culture in which it lies. In other words, if you are a stranger visiting in Canada and you know nothing of our culture, you may be appalled when you see someone eating fried chicken without cutlery and assume that you are observing boorish and slovenly behaviour, when instead it is you who look like the fool, dressed in suit and tie attempting to eat a chicken wing with a knife and fork. Just something to consider, Uncle Bernhardt.

  15. For me, Japanese are most well-mannered people in Asia. They are taught from young to be disciplined and considerate to others. They are known as being extremely polite, but they also have Japanese-style rudeness. Well, nobody’s perfect!

  16. Hahaha…I know what movie that “no mama, no papa, you come now?” came from! Is it from “Empire of the Sun”? It’s one of my all time favorite movies.

  17. The Japanese do not like to waste their time. So if they think you are wasting their time, they will politely tell you to be gone.

  18. Haha, it’s funny when stigmas turn out to be the exact opposite. I’m surprised they actually use the word “jap” to refer to buisness.

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