You Think Your Turning Japanese, You Want To Turn So Japanese

You know the stigmas, or at least, you might, if you’ve ever prepared to do “Business?” with “The Japanese!” peoples. Honestly, it turned out to be just like everyone described and completely opposite, simultaneously. I’ll share the funniest part of one story first:

“Whiskey Soda No Mama’ No Papa’ You Come Now”

I had no idea how to go about obtaining a certain License for an Intellectual Property I desired. It was older and a ton of the companies once involved either were defunct or acquired. I wanted to begin with Japanese companies who had inland offices in the U.S.A. but knew I would have to aim straight for the heart of Tokyo, so I learned enough Japanese over the next eight hours to get through phone representatives (in Japan, phones are answered, “Hello” and only very large firms have automated phone-trees). It was the right tyme to call Tokyo from my zone so I figured, “Fuck it, the worst that can happen is they don’t understand me or what I want.”

As I picked up the phone, you could hear the white-noise, and the light Japanese pan-flute’s hum; I double checked the dialing codes, “Okee,” — I placed my fingers to the number pads and with each press, you could clearly hear its thud, as if underwater; you could see me moving in slow motion.

The phone began to ring…
“Dō saremashita ka?”

I responded.

There was a pause…

“Moshi?” I said.

Hold a’ please…

A thundering voice that could only be described as the Emperor himself came on the line. I proceeded with my next Japanese phrase to which this person immediately detected I was not a native speaker. Leaving his Emperor form, his tone quickly shifted to one that was similar to (but somehow, more powerful than) George Takei; he said, “Speaking.”

One word: Phone-Ninjas!!

From there, I just went for it, and he informed me of everything I wanted to know.

On another day, I’ll be a tad more specific about the finer details concerning this interchange but, the general ideas are as follows:

• The Japanese don’t force their ways upon you

• The Japanese actually talk with you and ask questions about who you are, not just business stuff

• The Japanese actually use the word “Jap” or “Japo” when referring to their goods/services (I don’t know if this is to prompt a reaction or gauge a person somehow but, I tested using the word “Jap” once and the discussion carried on normally)

• The Japanese ask for updates even if they’re not directly involved or required to be involved

• The Japanese openly admit to attempting to copy western business culture

• The Japanese are openly accepting of obscure business models

There is more I could say but, there is one thing that I noticed which I think is worth noting:

It seemed like everyone I spoke with prior to just going for what I wanted had wrapped and romanced Japanese culture into a high amount of mysticism and other-worldly expectation. To me, they are just people (who are probably still pissed about the A-Bomb).

This saving face stuff is a crock of shit:

• The Japanese will confront concerns and THEY WILL tell you to fuck off, kindly


Anyhow, on a related note; here is a copy of another J-Rock song I recorded titled, “Burning Hearts” — And YES, it likely always sounds funny when non-Japanese try to sing Japanese but, all that aside; if you’re Japanese or know the Japanese language, why not tell me how bad I’ve butchered it?

I can take it!

NOTICE: I know some of you have said that you can’t view videos from YouTube; THE COMPANY is working on it — Please see the links below the video to listen to the song elsewhere, in case YouTube blocks your access.

Other popular locations where you can stream “Burning Hearts” include:






Scroll down below and tell me all your burning-heart’s desires…..

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And the NSA (just because I THINK they’re watching!)

Not to be confused with NASA!!